DReNCHeD


I never thought that it feels so good to bath in the rain alone.  I just did it this morning.  The last time I took a bath in the rain was six years ago, that was some time in college. 

I started jogging last week and I intend to do this every off.  It is my way of keeping myself in “good shape.”  While I was on the way home from work, it started to drizzle.  I was hoping that it will not lead to rain so that I can jog.  I kinda liked the weather because it was not that hot at all even though it’s almost 7 o’clock in the morning.  On normal occasions, by the time the clock hits 7 AM, the mighty sun is already at its peak and it’s hurting on one’s skin to get hit by its ray.  The good thing is that by the time I get to our place, the only trace left by the rain is the wet ground.  I quickly changed to jogging attire and off to the park.

As usual, I will do some warm-up exercises so as not to get cramps.  It was only a minute or two of jogging when the-what-I-thought-was-drizzle little by little started to turn into big drops of rain.  Since I was at the peak of my jogging habit, I did not mind to get drenched.  Who cares if I was the only person freely running like a deer that time?  It actually felt good that sweat and rain blended on my skin.  In spite of panting, I jogged and jogged as much as I can while the clouds showered its tears.  What I liked most about my work out this morning is that the weather befriended me.  It was nice to know that the heavens are also mourning with me.  Bawl!  Whimper!  Sob!  Wail!  Cry it all out ‘til at the very last drop. 

The rain still has not stopped weeping, so as me.  But I know that for every storm, there is always a rainbow waiting after.  I know that the sun will cast its shadow upon me.  Soon.

Hanggang sa Muli...

Kagabi, naranasan kong pagsakluban ng langit at lupa. Muli ko na namang namalas ang pait ng tadhana. Marahil iyon na siguro ang pinakamapait na hagupit sa aking tanang buhay. Sa pagkakataong iyon, sa hindi ko mawaring dahilan, para akong nawalan ng hininga.

Mahigit apat na taon kong hinintay ang iyong pagdating. Sa di inaasahang pagkakataon, di ko lubos maisip kung papaano ka dumating sa aking buhay. Sa tinagal-tagal na panahon, pinag-alab mong muli ang pusong matagal nang nahihimlay. Pinukaw mo ang tigang na damdamin. Nagdulot ka ng mga ngiti sa aking labi. Ikaw ang nagbigay inspirasyon at siya ring nagbigay kulay sa maputla kong nakaraan.  Ngunit ang lahat ng ito ay pawang panandalian lamang.

Sadyang ang natatanging bagay sa mundo na di magbabago ay ang pagbabago. Sadyang naging mapaglaro sa akin ang tadhana. Ang akala kong akin ay hiram lang pala. Pinilit kong baligtarin ang kung anumang dinidikta ng tadhana subalit ako ay nabigo.

Masakit marinig ang mga katagang hindi ka na masaya. Sa aking pagkakaalam, ginawa ko ang lahat ng aking makakaya para ipadama ang aking pagmahahal, malayo man o malapit sa piling ng isa’t isa. Subalit ako ay nagkamali dahil hindi pala iyon naging sapat.

Pumayag ako sa kagustuhan mong humayo tayo at harapin ang ating sariling pakikibaka. Kung ito ang nais mo, kahit sa huling sandali pinilit kong unawain ka. Hindi ako nagkibit-matang palayain ka.

Kung darating man ang panahong magbago ang ihip ng hangin, ako’y naririto lamang at bukas ang kamay na salubungin ka. At nawa sa pagkakataong iyon, maging bukas na ang ating isipan. Hanggang sa muli…

I LOVEd WEEKENDS

I loved weekends.  It was because there’s something to look forward to every weekend.  But I guess not anymore.  It has been a week since the unexpected thing happened.  The events have been so fast-paced.  I did not expect it to be abrupt.  Every thing seems to be in the proper direction when all of a sudden we came into a bump.  Clash.  It was so traumatic.   How could it happen in one single snap of a finger? We’ve only just begun.  How could it end so soon?

The past few days have been so grueling.  Pails of tears were shed.  Loss of appetite was intense.  Sleepless nights were a myriad.  It was indeed a shattering and devastating after math.  How I wish it was easy as pie.  How I wish I have the ability to reset my memory to default.  How I wish I was only having a nightmare and by the time that I wake up, it will be all fine.  But no, this all reality. 

It’s all daunting on me now.  I know that I am back at square one.  I am deviating my focus on other things.  I am trying to do the things that I used to do before.  I am cheering myself up.  I am getting rid of negative vibes.  However, I can’t hide the fact that there is still a time of the day when I can’t help thinking of him.  I terribly miss the whole him.  Although the time that we have spent together is technically short, it’s as if I have known him for long.   Living the life without him is like being deprived of my own respiratory system.  Clichéd as it may seem but he’s my air to breath.  I am gasping of air with the thought that he’s not gonna come back. 

The wounds are all fresh.  As they say, it takes time.  I would not know how many days, weeks, months or years shall pass before I get over.  But one thing that I am sure of is that my weekend will never be the same without him. Never.
 

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